Trapped

This morning I was with my sister and mother in a building that felt like a school, with many small rooms branching off of several hallways. The Others were searching for me, and knew that I would certainly come to help my sis and mom get out of that place. I was able to get into the building amidst heavy traffic by assuming an invisibility of sorts (similar to the "fiercely held modesty" that is talked about in the Dark Materials Trilogy) and working my way through the rooms. When at last I found them they turned out to be in the heaviest guarded room of all. Neither of them were able to fight back, much less fly away with me. Once again my lucidity was fueled by the need to push myself, to test my limits in order to achieve what I came to do. As I tried to devise a plan of escape I kept having to psychically distort the Others' memories as they came near the room, to make them forget it existed or to convince them they had already secured the room to buy us time. Unfortunately this made me weary and careless, and eventually someone entered the room. my family hid and I tried to regain invisibility, but this person saw through me (or rather, didn't see through me...) and sounded the alarm. The alarm set off the building's main defense system, which was cybernetic woman with black metal "mecha" suit with all the appropriate bells and whistles- lasers, guns, thick armor. I ordered my family to stay back and tried to prevent the MechWoman from breaking through the small window and annihilating us. I recall what the black metal felt like as I made myself intangible just in time to avoid her massive claw grip. After several shots and small explosions I could feel my energy being quickly drained. In a moment of rage, I accelerated my consciousness and grabbed her head as she looked through the window- I pulled her neck taut and felt the grinding resistance of her mecha suit about to recoil out of my grasp-I pulled her head harder and shot a beam from my hand, through the metal and gears, straight through the flesh of her neck. Before her head hit the ground I summoned the last of my strength to lift my mother and sister (who seemed unconscious) and shoot straight out the window, high into the sky and away from the isolated building, to safety.

Busy Night.

This morning was one of those mornings when I wake up after what should have been more than enough sleep (9+ hours) and feel completely pooped. I must have been multitasking in the dreaming because I certainly don't feel rested. Lately my extended family and close friends have been everywhere in my dreams, as if I were trying to keep close to them, or vice versa. A few of my recurring dream characters (and one in particular) have felt more distant as of late... I wonder if its me doing the distancing or them. Or both. Interpreting dream experiences into something one can learn from with clarity is a slippery act; I'm aware enough to understand that when dream experiences are shared with other potential living beings, the message is not just a personal one, it's much more encompassing. That said, I keep seeing the Storm, in nearly every dream I've had over the past week; I also keep getting/feeling very ill. Not only have I felt physically "blah" for a while now, but all my dreams have some message of clearing out, letting the damaged fall away and letting the new, healthy pieces show. Even my nightmare from a few nights back I understand now was touching on my never-failing ability to victimize myself willingly and sub-consciously.

It stormed here yesterday and it might do so again today. Storms are consistently roiling in my mind's eye in an effort o understand what my biggest dream theme as of late has to share with me. But as I stated in my blog, my fear of some extreme situation in regards to a storm keeps me from really jumping into that possibilities.

A Dream from the Past: (c. Feb. 2008)
Far out in the center of an ocean, I am aboard a stationary research vessel with a handful of other researchers. What we are looking for is unclear, except that it plays some important role with Extra-terrestrial life. There is a large man who works there as a mechanic, who makes me feel vulnerable. This initial feeling of discomfort is fueled by my coworkers' disregard for my apprehension. Eventually the man attacks me and I am raped, and strangely enough, I cannot fight him off- in fact I hardly even try, instead just surrendering and weeping pitifully. Some time later the Great Storm is coming, and I realize that even though I can fly people off the station, I could never have the time to save everyone. As they are starting to panic the ship begins to break apart and flood. We flee to the watch tower and I become distressed, knowing that I will not be able to save everyone on board. Then seemingly out of nowhere a sea plane with long white wings appears and lands on the choppy water; my father (who is a pilot in waking life) has showed up with enough free space to evacuate everyone safely. We load up the plane- people mostly swim, but I carry the weaker ones- and are able to take off and fly above the storm clouds and away to safety.

Apocalypse Now

My friends and neighbors were storing food, building shelters and exchanging horror stories about what they had already experienced about the near "end of the world" (which is a large recurring plot theme of my dreams, accompanied by a great storm). When asked what I knew about it, I said, "All I know is what my dreams tell me... and they have got to change."

Nightmare

Nightmares for me are infrequent, but what I experienced last night certainly was one.

I was out shopping with M, a good friend. We had plans to see a movie later on and we were taking our time. I remember the inside of a clothing store we stopped at and looking at a jewelry wall in another. The rest of the night paled from my memory but I recall waking up the next day. I felt terrible, ill on all levels and disoriented. As I began to wake up more and more, my heart started racing and I would sweat and grit my teeth together. I didn't understand what was happening, until M told me that she didn't remember much of the night before either, and that we must have blacked out somehow, because we'd been shooting up heroin (a substance I have never, an will never, touch in waking life). I instantly became aware of a metallic, hot smell that filled my nostrils and made my heart beat faster. Suddenly there were syringes all around me, uncapped, with their needles bent; I saw little red spots on my arms, and started panicking. At this point my anxiety in the dream furthered my lucidity. My stomach cramped and my muscles tensed and ached, I felt very feverish and cold-to-hot spells. It occurred to me that I was feeling withdrawal symptoms, which led to the more terrifying realization that I wanted to do it again, and fast. Instantly I fought back the need to reach for the needles and brew some more. The more I fought it the more my muscles cramped, my body felt as if it were fighting me back. I started to cry. At this point I realized that my jaw hurt very badly, a sensation that began to creep over to my awake physical self and started to wake me up. when finally I did open my eyes my heart was racing, I was doubled over on my side and my body ached, particularly where I had been clenching my jaw so tightly. I had to lie there for a few minutes to calm down, wake up fully and get my bearings. I couldn't sleep for quite a while afterwards, as well... the images and feelings kept haunting me and as soon as I revisited them in my mind, my heart would start racing again.

All and all, not an experience I ever want to visit again.

Ribbons

This morning my sister and I were trying to put together a treehouse of sorts, a hideaway. Not far off from our chosen tree was a building, seemingly a hospital, but with medical practices I am not familiar with at all... I remember being in the elevator with maybe 3 other people (the woman beside me had a baby, we were trying to find out what was wrong with him) including a doctor and another patient... there was a small lever on the control panel, I tried moving flipping it upwards, but rather than helping the elevator up the shaft, the entire floor of the elevator skewed- it slanted dramatically and the two women on the far side of the elevator slid against the wall, and I had to keep myself from sliding down with them. I flipped the switch again and all was well... In the search for wood to construct our treehouse (which, I was convinced, also needed to be a sort of rocketship) we found an old picture with a thick wooden frame. We recognized the picture as one of our late grandpa's paintings and when we removed the frame, three long ribbons of pink, blue and purple fell out of the frame, as well as 3 shorter ribbons of the same color. She held the long ones and I held the shorter... as I began to wake up I heard him say " I trust that you have each found your respective ribbons and will keep them with you." I started crying in the dream and one cheek was even wet when I awoke...

Flea Market

This morning I was spending time at a flea market of sorts- the buildings looked as if they had come out of an old western movie slash chinatown environment... As I rifled through the old piles of junk I kept finding belongings with the names of my old classmates from high school on them. One was a jewelry chest full of all sorts of beads, one was a small purse with an embroidered name, a pair of glasses, a backpack with lots of buttons on it... I recall having armfuls of stuff that I wanted to take with me but I soon was out of space in my arms to take everything...