Nightmare

Nightmares for me are infrequent, but what I experienced last night certainly was one.

I was out shopping with M, a good friend. We had plans to see a movie later on and we were taking our time. I remember the inside of a clothing store we stopped at and looking at a jewelry wall in another. The rest of the night paled from my memory but I recall waking up the next day. I felt terrible, ill on all levels and disoriented. As I began to wake up more and more, my heart started racing and I would sweat and grit my teeth together. I didn't understand what was happening, until M told me that she didn't remember much of the night before either, and that we must have blacked out somehow, because we'd been shooting up heroin (a substance I have never, an will never, touch in waking life). I instantly became aware of a metallic, hot smell that filled my nostrils and made my heart beat faster. Suddenly there were syringes all around me, uncapped, with their needles bent; I saw little red spots on my arms, and started panicking. At this point my anxiety in the dream furthered my lucidity. My stomach cramped and my muscles tensed and ached, I felt very feverish and cold-to-hot spells. It occurred to me that I was feeling withdrawal symptoms, which led to the more terrifying realization that I wanted to do it again, and fast. Instantly I fought back the need to reach for the needles and brew some more. The more I fought it the more my muscles cramped, my body felt as if it were fighting me back. I started to cry. At this point I realized that my jaw hurt very badly, a sensation that began to creep over to my awake physical self and started to wake me up. when finally I did open my eyes my heart was racing, I was doubled over on my side and my body ached, particularly where I had been clenching my jaw so tightly. I had to lie there for a few minutes to calm down, wake up fully and get my bearings. I couldn't sleep for quite a while afterwards, as well... the images and feelings kept haunting me and as soon as I revisited them in my mind, my heart would start racing again.

All and all, not an experience I ever want to visit again.